Thank You!

Thanks you guys, who think I'm too hard on myself. I know I am, but if I wasn't then who would be?
I also wanted to say thank you to my sweet best friend, Chris. He has been there for me to talk to for the last 8 months and its been great. God has given me a blessing in him. He is the FIRST guy who I have been comfortable and no matter where this relationship goes, the days I spend with you will be so close to my heart. You're so sweet. I wish others could see it!
Not only him, but I have some sweet friends:
Baily, you are so sweet and I want you to know how beautiful you are. If people don't see that well then they're lame. You always make me feel increadibly loved.
Abbi, you are so nice and have a kind heart. It's very refreshing in this mad school.
Dani, you're one who IS hard on me, but also funny and cheer me up with your bluntness. I'm glad I have you to talk to!
Sam, We have had our issues and I know I depend on you A LOT! But you're such a funny and sweet friend. I'm glad I have someone to talk to about anything.
Courtney, you are insane! and I love you. I love the times that we've spend laughing super hard. You're too cool for school. :]

To my two sweet uncles, I love you both like brothers and you are always in my heart. You both hold little pieces of my dad and thats something very special to me. I'm so glad I have you two around.
My mom and sisters, I love you so much. I could never say how much I miss you and how sorry I am that I hurt you when I left. I will never be able to get this time back and that will hurt me for the rest of my life. I love you. So so much.

I'm sorry if I didn't mention someone, I have so many sweet friends. I love you all.

My last and most important is my sweet sweet Lord. No person could replace his love and the joy he brings. Thank you so much.

Undeserving

I need to suck it up and remember what I have.
God, why am I so envious, and selfish and so just completely retarded?
I'm sorry for how I am. I'm saying that to everyone.
I'm sorry.

Sorry!

I'm sorry I haven't really been doing anything. I really don't know who I'm talking to anyways. I hear people tell me they read my blog, but I really don't know and I wouldn't blame anyone for not reading it. This is really a nice thing for me. I hope people read it. Now, I'm not the crazy party teen type, but I do have things to say.
I keep getting the whole - things will get harder when your older, don't wish your life away, just wait till you pay your own bills! - thing. Guess what, I'm not an idiot. For your info. I enjoy taking care of myself and I can' wait. I'm not oblivious to the fact that life is hard sometimes, you know?

Stand in the Rain

My friend, Amanda and I have recently choreographed a new song for our dance team. It is called Stand in the Rain. I am so excited. This song always bring tiny tears to my eyes. It just speaks to my heart so deeply. It talks about a girl who is always doing something, just being busy and trying to fight something by herself. I loved it back in the day because it made me feel like there was hope. Now I love it because it was so true! My savior is the ONE and only who keeps me going in even the darkest times and the most self hatred of thoughts.
Lately, I have had some doubting thoughts about something that God led me into. I had little random thoughts that maybe He wanted me somewhere else. My best friend told me that its good to question that because it makes you remember that God is always first. It was so true! It's only made me closer. It keeps me on track. As much as I love this I know that He knows what I want and need even better then I do. So, I trust Him. If this is where He wants me, then I'm so extatic. If it isn't then my God is still the same!

I do have so many issues

Some may not know, but i think i have too many problems. So many that if people counted them all up, no one would come within talking distance to me. One big one right this second is that I've seen someone playing favorites a lot. They [i wont specify at all] have FANTASTIC lives. Well from the outside anyways. I know thats judging but for your info. I do speak to them and in face know they're home lives aren't messes. So they have so many blessings and they're favorited above everyone else. While the rest of us get put on hold. HOW NICE?!
I'm trying oh so hard to forget it and remember that if I was being favorited, I wouldn't notice this. But I am human and this is my flaw. One of them anyways.
The next is that I've just been a dumb one and think about how beautiful girls like Selena Gomez are and how much they have. I know, they're beauty is 'fake,' but it really isn't. These are standards for girls now. How could we ever meet them. Then to make it worse girls who I see all the time who aren't famous are just as beautiful! What in the world?!

The only thing that keeps me from crawling in a hole and hating myself is that I know God doesn't make mistakes. He thinks I'm beautiful [and for the record, so does Chris] and thats all that matters. My cares about me and in our special relationship, I like to believe that I'm His favorite. :]

Teenagers? Please! ADULTS!

Yeah, the title doesn't make much sense... or does it? Well just know that some event have transpired and I really hope that their isn't some transformation we all go through once we become an adult, because then I take back all I've said and I do NOT want to grow up! I mean... UGHH!!!!!!! @#$^@$^^&&@%&@@^%@@^#@#$%^^*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I HATE THIS!
but aside from that madness,
I really need  prayer! I've learned through my quiet time that I have pride and I care too much of what people think. Which is hilarious because I've always thought the opposite. I suppose it's just when it comes to my Savior... I'm very lame, aren't I? Yes, I am! Please pray that this stops holding me back from telling my lost friends about their savior.
And last, I'm going to try something new with my eye makeup... not that I've been wearing much lately. And you probably don't care. Just love God, because He loves you and He died the most painful, beautiful death for you! I love you!