I know

Look guys, I know I'm boring. I know.
If you read my blog, I'm guessing you really care about me or you're bored too. Either way thank you :]
I don't know how much I'll be posting over the next month seeing that I'm leaving to Texas on Saturday!!!
Now, I understand that I'm not famous or whatever makes people read others blogs, this is just something that makes me feel like my voice is being heard. I hope one day, I'll be able to put up something extremely interesting on here, but till then, thanks for sticking with me. I love you!

Looming

It has been a while since I posted, if those who read are still reading, thanks. Last week Chris and I decided to fast. No t.v. shows, talking to each other, chating sites and bad music. I have to say, it was awesome. I learned so much and it was the best. I strongle recomend fasting, people might think its boring, but that is the opposite.

Next, I have to tell you how excited I am that school is OVER for me! Now, I love my friends and love seeing them, but geez, how perverted teenager can be! It kills me to hear the things that I hear. I really honestly feel bad about not being enough of a witness to them. I feel like I've done nothing to show how great Jesus is. Even with this, I am very glad that its the summer and next week I get to see my madre and sisters!

This visit is highly anticipated. When I moved here I didn't realize how much you can miss someone. I have needed my moms increadlibly tight hugs so much lately and my sisters to talk to. Even with the awesome girls here that I consider sister-like, the sad truth is that they aren't. Nothing can replace my family.

Oh, and one more thing... my new twenty something year old friends got married on saturday! It was beautiful and I loved seeing God bring two great people together. CONGRATS TO JEN AND JONATHAN BLAIR!

Thank You!

Thanks you guys, who think I'm too hard on myself. I know I am, but if I wasn't then who would be?
I also wanted to say thank you to my sweet best friend, Chris. He has been there for me to talk to for the last 8 months and its been great. God has given me a blessing in him. He is the FIRST guy who I have been comfortable and no matter where this relationship goes, the days I spend with you will be so close to my heart. You're so sweet. I wish others could see it!
Not only him, but I have some sweet friends:
Baily, you are so sweet and I want you to know how beautiful you are. If people don't see that well then they're lame. You always make me feel increadibly loved.
Abbi, you are so nice and have a kind heart. It's very refreshing in this mad school.
Dani, you're one who IS hard on me, but also funny and cheer me up with your bluntness. I'm glad I have you to talk to!
Sam, We have had our issues and I know I depend on you A LOT! But you're such a funny and sweet friend. I'm glad I have someone to talk to about anything.
Courtney, you are insane! and I love you. I love the times that we've spend laughing super hard. You're too cool for school. :]

To my two sweet uncles, I love you both like brothers and you are always in my heart. You both hold little pieces of my dad and thats something very special to me. I'm so glad I have you two around.
My mom and sisters, I love you so much. I could never say how much I miss you and how sorry I am that I hurt you when I left. I will never be able to get this time back and that will hurt me for the rest of my life. I love you. So so much.

I'm sorry if I didn't mention someone, I have so many sweet friends. I love you all.

My last and most important is my sweet sweet Lord. No person could replace his love and the joy he brings. Thank you so much.

Undeserving

I need to suck it up and remember what I have.
God, why am I so envious, and selfish and so just completely retarded?
I'm sorry for how I am. I'm saying that to everyone.
I'm sorry.

Sorry!

I'm sorry I haven't really been doing anything. I really don't know who I'm talking to anyways. I hear people tell me they read my blog, but I really don't know and I wouldn't blame anyone for not reading it. This is really a nice thing for me. I hope people read it. Now, I'm not the crazy party teen type, but I do have things to say.
I keep getting the whole - things will get harder when your older, don't wish your life away, just wait till you pay your own bills! - thing. Guess what, I'm not an idiot. For your info. I enjoy taking care of myself and I can' wait. I'm not oblivious to the fact that life is hard sometimes, you know?

Stand in the Rain

My friend, Amanda and I have recently choreographed a new song for our dance team. It is called Stand in the Rain. I am so excited. This song always bring tiny tears to my eyes. It just speaks to my heart so deeply. It talks about a girl who is always doing something, just being busy and trying to fight something by herself. I loved it back in the day because it made me feel like there was hope. Now I love it because it was so true! My savior is the ONE and only who keeps me going in even the darkest times and the most self hatred of thoughts.
Lately, I have had some doubting thoughts about something that God led me into. I had little random thoughts that maybe He wanted me somewhere else. My best friend told me that its good to question that because it makes you remember that God is always first. It was so true! It's only made me closer. It keeps me on track. As much as I love this I know that He knows what I want and need even better then I do. So, I trust Him. If this is where He wants me, then I'm so extatic. If it isn't then my God is still the same!